I stumbled across this blog post and the sheer cluelessness of the adoptive parents gobsmacked me so I left a blunt message saying:

“That poor child does not look happy. And just so you know, most adoptees hate the term “gotcha day””

The comment wasn’t published but later that day I got an email from the blogger saying:

You decided to write this on my blog: “That poor child does not look happy. And just so you know, most adoptees hate the term “gotcha day””
I want to hear why you think “gotcha” is such a bad thing?
BTW – I somehow doubt that you speak for “most adoptees”.

so I, being the helpfull adoptee I am sent a reply back

I don’t speak FOR any adoptee but myself, I do however, talk to, listen to and read other adult adoptees so I know how a lot of them feel, which, I imagine, is more than you do.

as to the gotcha day thing, I suggest you read the comments on these posts


also these


and finally received this outstandingly patronising piece of condescension

I want you to know that I looked at those websites.

If you knew us, or at least read the rest of the blog, you would know that we plan to celebrate his birthday, not his gotcha day, and we don’t plan to ignore the fact that he’s adopted – it’ll be pretty obvious. Your imagination is incorrect in the fact that we do keep up with lots of adoptees, and are friends with some. We’ve read books about adoptees as bitter as some of those on these sites, and we’ve even met a few. we plan to learn from the families that have done adoption well.

Your anger is obvious, and I pray that you’ll find rest and peace in Jesus. He heals the broken hearted, and sets people free from bondage.
As for your inexcusable rudeness and harsh judgment toward me and my family – I forgive you.
You should know, however, that before I met Jesus, I was a very spiteful and angry person. He changed all of that.

Firstly i didn’t say anything about whether they were going to celebrate “gotcha” day or not, my point was the label is horrible. Nor did I suggest they were going to ignore the fact he was adopted. Where did that idea even come from?

Once again adoptees who don’t agree with adoptive parents assessment of situations are labeled bitter and surely weather an adoption has been done “well” or not should be up to the adoptee to judge? And why not listen to adoptees who had bad adoptions so you can learn what not to do? Like for instance not wantonly destroying a culturally specific keepsake because it does not fit in with your worldview.

And then the enormous assumptions about my spiritual affiliations. The way people behave often has nothing to do with their spiritual beliefs. Some of the nicest most genuine people I have ever met have not been Christians, almost all of the people who have seriously damaged and traumatised me were Christians. Also just because I don’t feel the need to splurge my Christianity all over this blog doesn’t mean I am not a christian. Just because I am angry about injustice does not mean I am not a christian. There’s nothing unchristian about anger. Jesus got angry. My faith is a private thing between me, my religious community, and God. I don’t feel it’s generally at all appropriate to bring it up on a blog that has nothing to do with religion. And if I wasn’t a Christian this kind of patronisation sure wouldn’t make me want to be one.

73adoptee has an interesting post about these people also