I’ve seen several posts around the adoptee blog sphere lately about the way we as adoptees interact with other members of the adoption community

Most of it was i think triggered of by this post over at Grown in my heart.

I’ve got a lot of respect for adoptees who spend time and effort informing and educating adoptive parents about all the issues with adoption but it’s not something I am willing to do, I’m not here for that. I don’t care if adoptive and prospective adoptive parents think I am “angry” “bitter” “ungrateful.” I’m not here to educate or placate adoptive parents. Those that don’t want to listen to me would find an excuse even if I was as accommodating and acquiescing to the way they think a “good adoptee” should behave as I could be. Those who want to learn from me will learn anyway despite and sometimes because of my rage and pain and anger.

I don’t consider myself as part of the adoption community, I have no loyalty, no obligations to the adoption community. I am also not part of an adoption triad. Even if i believed such a concept was valid I wouldn’t be, one parent is dead, one is missing and two I am estranged from. I am part of the adoptee community and that is my first loyalty. I don’t think the adoptee community and the adoption community can actually meet in the middle, adoption is always about the commodification of children and when those children grow up why should they be expected to make common cause with their oppressors?

The whole “you are too emotional/overreacting/bitter..I know x type of people who don’t feel like you” is a way for privileged people to protect their own interests while silencing the less privileged people. If they can paint us as “broken” rather than society as broken then they don’t have to try and change or fix anything, they can just pretend we are anomalies and the children that they have acquired are never going to have the issues that we have.

So I’m going to just say what I say, with my anger, my ingratitude my “bitterness” (though actually that’s one thing I’m not however much adoptive parents try to paint me with it.) Adoptive parents don’t have a right to be tiptoed around so their feelings don’t get hurt, I spent my formative years doing that, I’m through with it.

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